My place

I love my place in the spring the best.  When the weather is finally nice enough to open all the windows and feel the fresh are blow through the house.  When I can get outside and sweep up leaves and clean out the waterfall, and see the daffodils poking up, promising blooms to come.  When I am home alone and I can sit on the couch feeling the breeze, listening to the wind.  Listening to the birds singing, the woodpeckers and the sandhill cranes, my wind chimes singing gently in the breeze, and the squirrels complaining.  It brings a deep peace to my heart.

how do you pick?

How do you decide what to blog on?  There are so many different things happening in my life.  1) dogs and cats 2) teenagers 3) my students 4) going to school 5) endless frustrating physical problems.

This morning I am lying in bed still, after sleeping 11 hours.  Trying to recover from a catamenial migraine (my new word I just learned - it means a menstrual migraine) It has lasted a little longer than expected, that is, it started Monday and this morning is Thursday so it should be gone but it was still there a little this morning.  I am now feeling much more comfortable, which makes it even harder to get out of bed, because what will happen?

Millie is curled up next to me in bed.  She gets that I was not feeling well.  She came in this morning all Milliehyper, and quickly settled down, but still managed to crack me up first - that his her job, making me laugh.  She played ball by herself by bringing it up on my bed, rolling it down my keyboard and then fetching.  She did this a few times before giving me kisses and snuggling up next to me.  She is an awesome dog.

Besides the migraine I am having a great week - I went to payroll and got that straightened out and am finally getting paid on April 1, I signed my fellowship papers and will get paid from that next week too!  Lisa and I realized that both of us thought the other was contacting guest speakers for next week and the week after, when in fact neither one of us was - and miraculously they were both able to still come in!  I felt I should have bought a lottery ticket but decided not to push my luck.

I worked my last day at Express Care on Sunday, so even though I will miss it, I just could not keep up with all of that.  I lost valuable time on the weekends to get work done.  So I am looking forward to this weekend and getting stuff done.  And taxes - I need to do my taxes.  Hoping to get money back this year, since I dropped a bundle on tuition.  I guess we will find out.

So that is a week in my life ....   Looking forward to getting my Amazon order which includes Allie Brosh's book.

Well,  hello there Blogger - I have been gone so long I bet you forgot about me!

What to blog about today?  The weather no doubt.  Winter is dragging on and on - after a good rain yesterday which went a long way towards getting rid of all this late snow, we wake up this morning with more snow.... and more on the way for the next few days.  Yippee...

I really am anxious to get started with spring.  Once classes are over at the university, I should have a fairly light schedule all summer.  I am hoping to get at least a few thing accomplished!

Life, in general, has been grand.  I am working at the University and I have a wonderful new partner who is ... well, wonderful.  What can I say?

My teenagers are growing up, and things have been good.  I miss my 17 year old because she pretty much has her own life going on, sleeps here, sometimes eats here.  Does her laundry here.  But sometimes she decides to hang out here with her mom, and we appreciate this time together.  One more year and she will be gone altogether - I can't imagine this.  I am sure I will get pretty sad and weepy.  Even though that is not logical.  
My younger daughter just turned 15 and that seems WAY too grown up for my baby!  They are both beautiful, smart, assertive young women, and I am so proud of them.  And sometimes they revert to little girl-ness when they need their mom, and I don't mind this either :)

Underdog is still his dignified self.  Millicent the Magnificent is still silly and full of energy and makes me laugh every day.  But then she settles down and she is a super snuggler (to replace my little girls who have grown up)

The cats?  Pretty much the same, Oberon the Bad always looking for something to get into.  Titania the Small and Meek, learning to be a little braver all the time.  

I am too busy as always - there are always too many things I want to or need to do than I have the time and energy for.  Like laundry...  dishes... taxes....

But I am blogging instead.  

Tonight is girls night in - movie and KFC (their favorite) and some quality time with my girls I hope.  Wish me luck.

Being a Patient

As you may know, I am a medical professional.  of course I am also a patient - I see my doctor regularly, I get minor illnesses, I have some chronic illnesses.  But this past Saturday I had to go to the ER, and I REALLY got to be A PATIENT.

Now, healthcare has really turned into a big business, and they act like one.  The want patients to feel happy and welcome - it's become part of the service industry.  They want you to come back! 

Emergency Rooms are lagging behind in this concept.

They still think they are saving lives.   So they don't really want you to bother them unless you really really have to. 

Really.

Really really.

Not that I didn't have to - there's nausea and cramping and diarrhea and stomach pain and chills that come with the stomach flu, and then there are times when you have to realize that the level of your illness could be much more serious, and that maybe it would be a good idea to be seen.

So Saturday morning I ended up in ER.  The registration clerk didn't have to ask what was wrong, she could tell I had abdominal pain.  Perhaps because I couldn't stand up straight. 

Being a medical professional, I tried my best to be a well behaved patient.  I was polite to the nurses.  I didn't ask for pain medication until I couldn't stand it anymore.  I didn't ring for a warm blanket until I was shivering hopelessly and my knees were mottled.  I hope the nurses had a pleasant experience with me as a patient. 

When it was time for the oral contrast for the CT scan I was pleasantly surprised - no more thick white shakes ("It's banana strawberry flavored!  Really!)  It looked and tasted like orange soda - no problem! I was a good patient and started drinking a cup every 15 minutes like I was told. 

Half an hour later the contrast started moving through me.....

I learned to use the call bell.

I swear there is a path worn in the floor between my room and the bathroom now in the ER ....  permanently....

That's also when I asked for pain medication for the amazing stomach cramps it created.  Now I was wondering why I came to the ER - to get better, right? 

After some IV Toradol, the nurse was very nice and told me I'd had enough contrast and they'd be there in 5 minutes to get me for the CT.  I curled up with my extra pillow and fell asleep.

45 minutes later I woke up.  Not in CT.  The doctor came in and asked if I'd been to CT yet.  Didn't they know???  She went to check on it.  I was finally comfortable so I didn't care.

15 minutes later the nurse came in and asked if they had the results of the CT.  Did anyone know anything???  She went to check on it.  Now I kinda wanted to get it over with. 

I should have lied.

Soon afterwards they came and got me for my CT.  I was still making trips to the bathroom, but the cramping was better, so I felt pretty good.  The CT, it turns out, was a triple contrast CT - IV contrast (no problem) oral contrast (thanks, that was lovely) and, seriously? RECTAL contrast.  Which means that they basically emptied a whole bag of fluid into my already unhappy colon and kept it there during the CT.  Sure they drained it out again, but a) it made a mess and b) now we had some serious stomach cramps.....

The CT showed nothing in my colon, which is good, because I didn't really want my appendix taken out.  The doctor was kind enough to give me some stronger pain medication though, since the cramping and abdominal pain had gotten pretty bad.

Dilaudid is a really nice drug. 

I thought is was just the first 5 or 10 minutes that was really nice, but apparently it lasted longer because later when I got home I let my teenage daughter drive us all to Big Falls so they could swim....

The doctor was also REALLY nice because she thought to do a stool culture and figured out that I had an infectious colitis.  So now I am theoretically on the road to recovery. 

But I am still not anxious to go back to the ER.

And I am never drinking orange soda again.....

Time and Energy

Time....  I don't have enough time.

or energy.

All the things that need to be done, that I want to do, that other people want me to do...

There is not enought time, and I do not have enough energy.

I guess I would have the time if I had enough energy to go non-stop without rest.

But that will never happen.  I have to resign myself.

Lots of regular people out there love to tell me "just do it, be tough"  But I am not a regular person.

If I did that, I would end up in bed for days, which is something I can decidedly NOT afford to do.

You see, I may look fine on the outside, but I am not fine on the inside.  I have rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, migraines, vestibular neuritis, and Raynaud's...  I think that's most of it..

A handful of pills twice a day, plus a few in between as needed, keeps me on my feet.  Even the simplest tasks most people take for granted consume more thought, time, and energy for me to accomplish.  Being upright in the morning is an accomplishment on some days.

But I do my best to lead a regular life.  I made it through grad school and I work about 30 hours a week as a nurse practitioner.  I have two teenage daughters I share custody with every other week.  I have two cats and two very active dogs.  I have my own home that I take care of and 11 acres that came with lovely perennial gardens.  Most people do not have any idea I am sick. 

All of this is about all I can handle - in fact, it's just a little more than I can handle.  Thank Goodness for my sister-in-law, LeAnn, who is also one of my best friends.  She is always willing to help out - walking the dogs, shoveling snow, mowing grass, checking on my sick kids when I'm at work...  she is there whenever I need her.  She needs the pocket money, I need someone I can count on.  We live in perfect symbiosis.

But there are lots of things I can't do. 

I can't have sheep, not right now anyway.  Maybe I'll never really have enough energy to fit sheep into my life, no matter how much I want them. 

I can't work three days in a row. 

I can't keep the house spotless - it's mostly clean under the clutter, if you don't like it please don't come visit.  I can't go out and spend all day cleaning out the gardens. 

So things get done around here a little at a time...  that's how we roll.

Some days I can't do anything I planned to do.  Some days I have to cancel all my plans and I spend the day on the couch or in my bed.  Some days I take more pain pills than I want to.  Some days the dirty clothes will have to stay in the hamper and the kids will have to make themselves frozen pizza for dinner. 

Those are bad days.

If I am careful and manage my energy, I can usually avoid these bad days, but sometimes they come anyway.  And I try not to get discouraged when it happens that way...

I'm sure some people reading this will think I am complaining, but I'm really just explaining my life....

The subject was time.... and energy....

It Must Be Friday the 13th

Have you ever had one of those days when you don’t feel like a fully functional human being?

I have lots of those days…. like, for instance, today…

I have no energy or inspiration to get up and do anything…. It all seems like just too much work.

It’s not so bad on days when you don’t have much to do – then you can just snuggle back under the covers and enjoy the day.

But most of the time it happens on days when I have tons of stuff I have to get done. Then I just lie there in bed making lists in my head of all the things I need to do - and the more I think about it, the more tired I feel …

We all know those people who leap out of bed in the morning wide awake, rub their hands together gleefully and say “Wow! What a great day!I can’t wait to get cracking!!

I hate those people.

Maybe you’re one of those people – I don’t hate you in general, I guess, just as long as I don’t ever have to see you do something obscene like that.

People like that are right up there on my list with women who cheerfully tell me they never felt better in their lives than when they were pregnant...   I mean, you have GOT to be kidding me.

These are PERKY people. I believe they suffer from some sort of brain damage or mental disorder. I try to avoid them…especially before noon.


So I have finally dragged myself out of bed only because the dogs are whining and I seriously have things that absolutely have to get done.

Of course there was no toilet paper on the roll.

That’s how it is on days like this – it’s bad enough that you have no energy or motivation – every time you actually try to accomplish something you will find roadblocks at every turn, as if it wasn’t hard enough just trying to function normally.

For instance, I pulled up Blogger to write this blog and it was down for maintenance.What a coincidence…

So, I rummaged around in the cupboard and found the last packet of Café Via, and I’m eating cookies for breakfast.

Shut up, you know you have done it.

And I’m writing this blog on Word while I still feel inspired, which is really irritating because it keeps automatically spell checking and grammar checking me as a write. And by the way, if you think this is the thing to do, and you can just copy and paste into blogspot, forget it.  Word adds in a bunch of invisible HTML tags that blogger cannot understand, so you have to go in and delete them....  another roadblock.



If you’re feeling PERKY I advise you not to contact me.




 .......

Underdog Joins the Family

I have an English Pointer. 

His name is Underdog, and he is my once-in-a-lifetime-dog.

This is the story of how Underdog and I rescued each other.




My pointer joined the family while I was still married.  We already had one dog, The Wookie.

There was some controversy about whether or not we needed another dog.  I thought we needed another dog, my ex-husband thought we did not need another dog. 

That was the controversy.

One night, ex-husband (still husband at the time) calls from the bar:

Ex-husband:  I'm talking to Marcus, he has a dog he doesn't want.  He'll give him to us for free.

Me:  Great!  We'll take him!

Ex-husband:  Well, actually, maybe we don't want another dog....

Me:  Too late!

In order to appease Ex-husband, and to get my way, I set up three tests the dog must pass in order to become our new dog. 

Test #1  Dog must be nice friendly dog that we like:

We go meet the dog.  The dog has been labeled a Bad Dog because he runs away.  He has been re-homed once before.  We have a nice house and a fence, so this should not be a problem.  Other than being a Bad Dog that runs away, he is a very Friendly Dog, happy to meet us!  He knows how to sit, speak, shake, and high five!  He is trying very hard!  Bad Dog passes Test #1.

Test #2  Dog must get along with The Wookie:

We take The Wookie with us to meet Bad Dog.  The Wookie gets out of the car and they sniff noses.  Instantly they are best friends and they begin to frolic in the yard joyfully.  Bad Dog passes Test #2.  Grudgingly, Ex-husband loads Bad Dog into the car and we take him home.

Test #3  Dog must get along with The Cat:

Bad Dog explores the house.  Sees cat.  Thought balloon appears about his head:  Cat... 
The Cat sees Bad Dog.  Thought balloon appears above cat's head:  Dog...
They resume their lives without further hesitation.  

Now Bad Dog is part of the family.  He is officially labeled My Dog since Ex-husband maintains that he never wanted another dog. 

He has poor self-esteem, so I name him Underdog to boost his confidence. 

It takes awhile, but after about a year, I look into his eyes, and I see that Underdog knows that no human has ever understood him as well as I do.

And not too long after that, Underdog looks into my eyes, and I know that no human has ever understood me as well as he does.

I Love You Underdog